Starting Over
by Celestial Chaos
Summary: Kaidan just got Shepard back in his life after their run in on Horizon. And damn it, he's not ready to lose him again. Kaidan/M!Shep. Spoilers for ME3 ending.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Notes: Welcome to yet another fanfiction based on one gamer's personal dissatisfaction with the end of ME3! Don't get me wrong, I loved the game, and I didn't mind the ending...I just didn't feel like it lent to a proper ending for our glorious Commander Shepard and all of his hard work! Plus, I've always had a soft spot for Shepard/Kaidan, and now that it can be considered canon, I'm jumping for joy! Can't wait to delve into their convoluted, intriguing relationship. **

**So what is this story, you might ask? This is my interpretation of what happens after Shepard interacts with the Catalyst. In this particular story, as you might expect, there will be SPOILERS for ME3, as well as its ending. I'm going to focus on the rebuilding of the galaxy after the Reaper attacks, as well as the implication and consequences of Shepard's action in choosing the synergy of synthetic and organic life. It really intrigued me. **

**Just one quick note: in**** this story, the mass relays were NOT destroyed. It just doesn't make any sense to me...**

**This is my first ME fanfiction, so please leave me a review and let me know what you all think, and if you enjoy it :) Thanks!**

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><p>Kaidan's entire body <em>burned<em>.

All he could feel as he slowly regained consciousness was a heat so intense it was as if his muscles were on fire. Even thinking of moving his limbs seemed to bring on a powerful pain. He fought against it with every fiber of his being, managing to open his eyes and turn himself so he was lying on his back. Doing so provided him with relief, minimal though it was.

The first thing he noticed upon looking up into the sky was a bright spot in the distance. What started out as a distant glow soon turned into an all-encompassing wave of brilliant green light. Kaidan clenched his eyes shut—what else could he do?—and braced for the end. This was it. The Catalyst was going to destroy everything, not just the Reapers.

But the end didn't come. He felt no searing pain beyond his aching muscles. He hadn't melted into a puddle of ooze. He was still in one piece, breathing heavily and shaking.

Against his better judgment, Kaidan slowly opened his eyes. He expected to see hell on earth—the very thing they been fighting just moments ago. He almost rubbed his eyes in disbelief as he watched the Reapers begin ascending into the sky, disappearing beyond the black clouds of ash. They moved with such agility, it almost seemed as though they were being pulled up by invisible marionette strings. Along with them went the horrendous shouts, screams and cries of the Reapers' minions, followed soon by the gunfire and order shouting.

For five glorious seconds, the surface of the earth remained blissfully silent.

And then came the cheering—the raucous uproar of sheer, unadulterated joy.

They won.

They had_ won_.

Kaidan tried to join in the celebrations but his voice carried little; his throat was hoarse and dry. Beside him came the sudden familiar howl of James Vega. Kaidan turned his head to the side and saw him sitting up, pumping his fist into the air.

"James," he coughed.

Vega was grinning from ear to ear. "Kaidan! We did it! We fucking did it, man! Whoo!"

The muscular marine continued to shout excitedly as Kaidan lifted himself up and off the ground. He felt dizzy and just a little off balance; for a moment he stumbled as he stood up. For the first time in a long time he was astutely aware of just how heavy his armor was.

Before he had a chance to gather his bearings he found himself wrapped tightly in James' arms. He was hugging him and jumping up and down.

"The Reapers are gone, man! They're gone! GONE!"

As excited as Kaidan was, his thoughts immediately went to one thing: Shepard.

Commander John Shepard was their saving grace. For all the bells and whistles that Kaidan and his other teammates had provided, Shepard was the single most important factor in their win.

"Where's Shepard?" Kaidan groaned, pulling himself out of James' arms.

"I dunno. Did he come back from the Citadel?"

Both men looked up at the sky. All of the destruction from the battle had left a thick miasma hanging low in the air that effectively blocked out any visual beyond it.

Kaidan's heart sank. He scanned his memory for the last thing he could remember, which was the sight of the Reaper's crimson red blast tearing through the ground before him. He feared John hadn't made it, but that couldn't be the case. Who else could have gotten the Reapers to retreat? Where was he now?

He tapped open his communication channel. He spoke roughly.

"Shepard? Shepard, can you hear me?"

No response.

"Shepard? Come in. Do you read me? Where are you?"

"Do you hear that?" James asked suddenly.

Kaidan blinked. "Hear what?"

"That…"

The spectre watched curiously as James turned and wandered off toward a large collection of debris about twenty yards out.

"John, come in," Kaidan repeated, his heavy brow furrowing. Quieter, he added, "I need to know you're okay."

"Hey, Kaidan! Over here!"

James was waving to him from beside the debris. Even with the distance in between them, the look of surprise upon his face caught Kaidan's attention. He jogged over toward the other, stumbling to a stop just in front of him.

In his arms was Shepard, battered, bruised heavily and covered in blood.

"Shepard!"

"I coulda sworn I heard your voice echoing. I don't know how I knew to look over here, but something told me to." James shifted John in his arms, cradling him at the crook of his neck and under his knees. "He looks a mess."

Kaidan gingerly pressed two fingers against the underside of Shepard's jaw. His heart skipped a beat.

"He has a pulse. It's weak, but it's there."

"How the hell'd he get down here from the Citadel?" James asked.

"No idea, but we've got to get him back to the command center somehow. Come on, let's go."

Kaidan expected to see multiple corpses of Cannibals, Banshees and Marauders littering the battlefield on their way back to the command center. It should have surprised him that he didn't. However, his mind was elsewhere; he couldn't think of anything but ensuring Shepard's recovery.

He deserved to see the future that he had helped secure for the entire galaxy.

They came across the bodies of many fallen comrades, from all races alike: humans, Turians, Quarians, Krogans…Kaidan couldn't think of a single species that hadn't taken heavy losses here today. But with the battle won, there would be plenty that they could do to honor their fallen. The bodies would be recovered and returned to their families, and war heroes would be remembered. That thought alone brought on a wave of uncertainty about their future, but Kaidan buried it somewhere in the back of his head. There was no time right now for incoherent concerns.

"Damn, he's heavy," Vega commented just before they arrived at the command center. He grunted with effort as he once again shifted Shepard's weight.

"Here. We've arrived. Open the gate!" he shouted to the infantrymen atop the towers.

Kaidan stepped across the grounds to the entry of the medical center with James at his side. The only lighting came from sporadically placed halogen lamps, most of which were attached to tables in order to monitor injuries. Kaidan wove his way through the numerous wounded soldiers toward the nearest empty surface, atop which James carefully placed Shepard.

"Doctor Chakwas!" the spectre shouted. "Doctor, are you in here? We found Shepard!"

Though his announcement started a wave of murmurs and whispers, Kaidan ignored them all in favor of the sound of Chakwas' strained voice, which rose in pitch as she hurried across the room toward them.

"You found him? Is he all right?" she asked.

"He needs medical attention," Kaidan said. "I don't know the extent of his injuries; he just doesn't look good. But he has a heartbeat. He's hanging on."

"Here, back up, let me move in."

It felt almost surreal watching the doctor perform her field tests to determine as much as she could about John's injuries. Kaidan tried his best to keep still, however he found it difficult. What if something were permanently wrong? What if he were injured worse than anticipated? All he could hear were the worries swimming around in his head.

He'd just gotten Shepard back after all this time apart. He wasn't about to lose him again.

"Well?" he asked.

"Don't be so impatient, Major Alenko. You can't rush good science."

The doctor's chiding voice hushed him up right quick. Her agile fingers tapped against the surface of her data-pad with ease; she soon turned around to address both him and Vega:

"Preliminary scans show deep micro dermal incisions scattered over the body, likely from an energy blast or debris. He was shot in the side but the bullet passed through. Still, it did a number on him. His vital signs are weak…we'll do what we can to get him back up and running. Whatever he did up there, it almost did him in."

James groaned in concern. "But it's fixable, right? He can't die. He saved the damn galaxy!"

Doctor Chakwas pursed her lips in mild amusement. "I've saved Shepard once before, Lieutenant Vega. I think I can do it again. Now go, find the others and make sure they're safe. I'll take care of the commander."

Although hesitant to leave in his time of need, Kaidan knew that Doctor Chakwas was right. They needed to find Tali, Liara, Garrus, Wrex—Shepard had put each of them in charge of a garrison of soldiers in order to flood the battlefield with strong, capable leaders. The question now was who among them remained alive and well?

_All_ of them, he hoped.

Outside, Kaidan opened up a comm channel. "Shepard's team leaders, check in. This is Kaidan. Do you copy?"

A few seconds passed by with nothing. He and James shared a look.

Then, wave after wave came the replies:

"This is Tali. We're safe. I've regrouped what's left of my team under the big clock tower. We'll return shortly."

"Garrus here. On my way back now."

"Did you see the way those pyjaks ran from us? Nobody takes down the Krogans!"

"Liara checking in. My team and I will arrive soon. ETA five minutes or less."

"All leaders meet in the briefing room upon arrival to the base. Alenko out."

James shouted, clapping his hands together twice. "Hell yeah, we all got out unscathed! Wait, what about Esteban?"

No reply came over the communication channel.

More seriously, James asked, "Hey, Steve, do you copy?"

"He likely got back aboard the Normandy," Kaidan offered, seeing James' visible discomfort. "Don't worry."

"Don't worry? That's my secondhand man right there. I can't just not worry about him…"

In truth, Kaidan was worried, too. He was also worried for Joker, for EDI, for every member of the Normandy that had yet to be accounted for. But with that thick black cloud of destruction hanging between them and the outer atmosphere, there was no way to know for sure which fleets were still alive and which had been decimated. However, his expression remained firm despite his uncertainty. Part of being a good leader was standing strong when your followers needed you to do so. Kaidan had learned that from John.

He clasped James' shoulder, guiding him toward the temporary communication room they had set up just beside the medical center.

"Come on, let's go see if we can patch through to the Normandy."

Once inside the small, enclosed area, Kaidan explained to the communications specialist who they needed to contact.

"Patching through now," the specialist said, fingers tapping quickly away at multiple screens simultaneously.

The line cracked and buzzed as it connected. When he got the okay, Kaidan said, "Come in, Normandy. Do you copy?"

EDI's disembodied voice replied: "Copy, Major Alenko. We have crash landed on the planet Rothla in the Krogan system. I am currently running diagnostics on the Normandy as we speak."

"What the hell was that giant green blast?" came Joker's voice. "It scared the hell out of me, so I high-tailed it out of there. It looked like it was gonna blow everything up!"

"It didn't," Kaidan stated. "I…I don't know _what_ it was, but it scared the Reapers away. They're gone." All of the cheering on the other end of the line brought a small smile to his face. He continued, "So you crash landed? Will you be able to make it back to Earth?"

"No major functions seem damaged by impact," EDI explained. "Faster than light travel should not be impossible."

Once Kaidan finished, James moved in and said, "Hey, is Cortez with you? Did he make it back onto the ship okay?"

"Negative," EDI replied. "Lieutenant Cortez did not dock with the Normandy prior to departure from the Sol System."

James furrowed his brow, looking somber. He pulled back and headed outside without saying a word. Kaidan wasn't sure where he was going; he just knew he needed to let him get some time alone. He didn't want to think of what would happen to James if his closest friend on the ship hadn't survived.

"When can you make it back here?" Kaidan said.

"Preliminary scans show the FTL drive and main core are in fully functioning condition. With Jeff's assistance, we could arrive within an estimated three hours."

"Then get back quick. Shepard's alive, but he needs us. He's got some pretty nasty injuries and Doctor Chakwas will need all she can get from her lab."

"Not a prob, Kaidan," Joker said. "We'll be there faster than Vega to the mess hall for dinner. Normandy out."

After the line disconnected Kaidan thanked the comm specialist, ducked outside to the grounds and began his search for James.

Something within him told him that Lieutenant Cortez wasn't dead. He had a feeling they would find him somewhere, likely attached at the hip to his shuttle. They just needed to look for him.

"Vega!" Kaidan called, to no response. He walked along in silence for a few more moments before calling out again. It wasn't until he turned around the corner of the building that he saw the muscular marine throwing punches at a graffiti covered brick wall nearby.

"We'll find Cortez," Kaidan said to him, knowing that if he said it enough, he'd believe it fully, too. "If he'd been in any danger, don't you think we would've heard him over the comm link?"

Even though James seemed to be ignoring him, his hits against the wall slowed, eventually stopping altogether. Vega turned, expression distant.

"I'm going to look for him. You gonna come or no?"

"Tell you what. You go find Cortez and I'll meet with the others, let them know what we're gonna do next. You find him, you bring him back to the briefing room. If not, you come anyway. All right?"

James only nodded. He stalked off then, his hulking frame disappearing beyond the barred gate some moments later. Kaidan stared after him and found himself hoping that James would, in fact, find Lieutenant Cortez. Despite his tendency for showing off his knowledge about aircrafts and machinery, he was a loyal and agile pilot who they couldn't afford to lose. Plus, Shepard was fond of him, although there were times Kaidan wondered if something more could have happened between them, given Cortez's past.

That was petty, he thought with a frown. He brushed the thought aside and headed back to the briefing room. With the exception of Shepard, all commanding leaders were present—and thankfully all in one piece. Kaidan breathed a sigh of relief. They had been through hell and back. It was comforting to see all of their familiar faces.

"Can't believe it's over," Garrus said, shaking his head.

"Me, either," Tali agreed. "Do any of you know what that bright green blast was? I thought it came from the Reapers, but the other admirals are telling me it came from the Citadel."

Liara stepped forward. "To be honest, I don't really know, but it must have been the Catalyst. It seemed to repel the Reapers and send them away."

"But it didn't destroy them like we'd hoped," Garrus muttered.

"I haven't spoken to Admiral Hackett or any other alliance officers in orbit," Kaidan said, "but I saw the Reapers just lift off the ground and disappear. Did they leave the system completely?"

"Admiral Xen said they vanished through the Charon relay," Tali said, folding her arms over her chest. "Nobody was able to trace where they went. They didn't attack anybody after the blast."

Wrex grunted. "I don't bet they'll come back. They were bested. Plus, the green light shot through the relay, too. Maybe it chased after them and pushed them beyond the Far Rim or back into deep space. Who knows. Good riddance."

"Yes, but will we have the same problem again in a few years is both the question and the concern, now," Liara explained, brow knitting in concern. "They decimated so many systems. How are we supposed to rebuild with that threat lingering on our shoulders?"

"We can't know that's the case for sure," Kaidan said. "We have to wait and hear what Shepard has to say. Only he knows what happened up there. Only he knows if or when they'll come back."

"Then let's go ask the man," Wrex said. "Simple as that."

Kaidan began to say, "I don't think he's—"

Before he was able to finish, James stepped into the room, Cortez leaning off of his shoulder. The pilot had a nasty gash on his forehead and a black eye the size of Kansas, but he wore a relieved smile at the sight of familiar faces.

"You found him!" Kaidan said.

"Told you I would," James replied. He readjusted his grip on Steve's waist. "Need to get him to Chakwas. Somebody wanna help me carry his fat ass?"

Steve laughed. "Screw you, Vega."

"Too many tequila shots, Esteban, man. I told you not to drink so much, otherwise it'd make you soft."

Kaidan couldn't help but chuckle. With a wave of his arm he said, "Come on, let's go."


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Notes: WOW! I don't even know what to say, everyone. Your interest in this story has really made me feel good! In just a few days it's already been added to a ton of favorites and story alerts, and has gotten over 400 hits (a first for any of my stories in their first week online!). The reviews made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, too. Haha. Here is chapter two! I know that the ME series has a lot of choices you can make over the games, so I've got quite a few already laid out, but I didn't want to just put them in the notes section. I figured it'd be more fun to discover them as the story unfolds.**

**Galen Hithwen: When I first discovered it, I about had a conniption fit of excitement. I feel on some level they did remain consistent, since it was supposed to be an option, but they took it out. It's wonderful!**

**PeasandCheese: You'll get good Shep/Kaidan from this, once the ball gets rolling! ;) This is my way of processing what happened...and I'm glad to share it with others!**

**Acethebatdog2039: I think my favorite moment was when the two of them "cemented" the relationship. I won't write it on here in case there are readers who haven't played it through yet, but it was adorable. It made me love Kaidan even more.**

**LZL101: Nope, no one shot! Multi-chapter awesomeness ahoy! :D**

**Enjoy, everyone! Please make sure to leave me a review and let me know what you think. Once again, thanks for all the interest! It makes me excited to post!**

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><p>"That's it, very carefully. Just ease him upon the table right there. Ah, perfect. Thank you, gentlemen."<p>

Wrex and James stepped back, stretching out their muscles. Together they had transported Shepard from the command center to the shuttle and directly onto the Normandy. Kaidan was surprised at how vehement both of them had been about carrying him. He supposed he should be thankful—Shepard was a well-built man who weighed a fair amount. They were far stronger than he was.

"Do you need anything else, Doctor?" Kaidan asked, arms folded over his chest. They had just boarded the Normandy, but he was hesitant to leave John's side until he had more concrete answers as to his condition and recovery.

"No, Major, that's just fine for now. If I need anything, I'll be in contact. Now, please, go relax."

Doctor Chakwas caught Kaidan's arm lightly as everyone left. It was just the two of them in the medical bay now, and she spoke softly.

"He'll be fine, Kaidan. He's in good hands. I promise."

"I know, Doctor. Thank you."

Kaidan couldn't help lingering a moment longer, staring at John from the entryway. He was still covered in dirt and dry blood; he wanted nothing more than to caress his forehead and tell him everything would be all right. It was only at the doctor's insistence that he didn't. Somehow, he felt worse because of it. Not that Shepard would even know.

As the door closed shut behind him, Kaidan started for the mess hall. The crew of the Normandy had gathered there along with the squad mates, all of whom were waiting for a briefing on the situation. As Shepard's second in command, it fell to him to guide them in their time of need.

He cleared his throat. "Doctor Chakwas will be in contact when she has more details about his recovery. For now…we have to wait."

"He's going to be okay, won't he?" Specialist Traynor asked, chewing her lower lip. Her eyes glimmered with concern.

"Of course, Traynor. He's Shepard."

The answer earned a couple light chuckles across the board. It put everyone at ease, which allowed them to open up about their plans for the immediate future.

"We've all got things we need to focus on," Kaidan began, giving each of his companions a brief glance. "Our home worlds have been desecrated, and our people have suffered significant casualties. We…need to remember that, during times like these, we must rise above our own station and work toward rebuilding with the help of others. I know each of us are primarily concerned with the well-being of our own people, but let's not forget about the ones who helped us to survive. Shepard worked to unite the galaxy—so let's stay that way."

Tali was the first to speak. She sounded curious. "So if we're off taking care of our home worlds and our people, what are _you_ going to do, Kaidan?"

"I'm a Spectre. My responsibility lies with the Citadel."

_Or what's left of it_, he thought.

"Are you going to keep an eye on Shepard, too?" Liara asked.

He nodded. "I'll speak with Doctor Chakwas daily so make sure that I don't miss any developments, and I'll visit him as often as I can. I'll pass along his progress to each of you. You have my word."

A comfortable silence grew within the room. As Kaidan glanced from one individual to the next, he realized that this would be their last moment together for quite some time. Each of them would be wrought with things to do, people to visit and goals to achieve.

"We did good, team," Kaidan said, his smile slightly melancholy. "We did good."

. . . . .

Kaidan couldn't sleep that night. Try though he might, he tossed and turned in his bed for hours, unable to catch a single wink. Every time he closed his eyes his mind seemed to jump start itself, getting him thinking about anything and everything.

What was the next step? What condition would he find the Citadel in? How would the Councilors feel about rebuilding yet again? How long until Shepard recovered? What would he do next?

Sometime past two that morning, Kaidan gave up on trying to sleep in his own bed. He thought that maybe sleeping in Shepard's cabin would help him. After all, that was where he had been sleeping for the last week up until tonight. Perhaps that had something to do with it. Who knew, though.

He climbed out of bed and headed out toward the elevator, fully intent on going straight up to John's room. He stopped, however, when a sliver of the medical bay's artificial light caught his attention. He detoured from the elevator and followed the dimly lit path which guided him to the med bay's door. It was locked. Doctor Chakwas didn't permit anyone inside once she'd called it a night, which Kaidan had forgotten. So, he walked around the outer edge until he could see John's resting figure through the glass.

Kaidan was about to touch surface of the glass wall when he heard someone cough behind him. He turned quickly. There, in the kitchen, was James, hunched over the stovetop. When Kaidan took the time to sniff the air, he realized that it carried a very savory aroma. What was he cooking?

"James," he called out in a slightly louder than normal whisper.

Vega started; the pan in which he was cooking clanked against the stovetop. Once he straightened it out he craned his neck and peered over his shoulder. "Damn, Kaidan, why you gotta sneak up on a guy like that? Almost made me spill my food."

Kaidan chuckled. "Sorry, Vega. What are you doing up so late?"

"Could ask you the same question."

The dark haired spectre moved toward the counter, taking a seat atop one of the bar stools. He leaned forward and rested his forearms atop the cold tile surface.

"Can't sleep."

"Funny. Me, either."

James remained focused upon the stovetop for a few moments longer. He finished with a flourish Kaidan was sure he'd have ignored had he been alone. The show made him smile, though, so he supposed it did its job. James reached up inside one of the cabinets and grabbed a plate, transferring what looked to be huevos rancheros onto it. After picking out a fork from the drawer he set the plate upon the countertop, took a bite, then smiled.

"Thought I'd cook something. Usually helps make me sleepy."

"Never figured you much for the cooking type," Kaidan offered, smirking.

"I know how to hold my own, man. Every man should know how to cook for himself."

James downed a couple more bites of his eggs. He sniffed, wiping his nose with his forearm. "Hard to believe it's all over, no?"

"Yeah."

Kaidan was usually more verbose than that, but something told him it would be lost on both of them this late at night. Instead of saying anything further he just watched James eat, listening to the rhythmic humming of the ship's engine reverberating through the mess hall.

"So Admiral Hackett asked me to assist him with Earth's revival," James said offhandedly.

"Oh, yeah? Good for you, Vega. What did you say to him?"

"Told him I'd be more than willing, 'course. Not much sense staying on the war ship that ended the biggest threat to the galaxy if there's no more war, is there?"

Kaidan snorted. James had a good point. Plus, if there was anyone more devoted to Earth and its people than him, he wasn't sure who it would be. Admiral Hackett had made the right decision in asking for his help. And even though Kaidan wanted to know more about what the position entailed, something told him he wouldn't get a full answer. Not right now, at least. No species would know precisely what needed to be done first to start rebuilding, not even the Asari. Whatever James would be doing, Kaidan was sure he would fit the bill perfectly. Admiral Hackett was a good judge of character and ability.

"You got your work cut out for you with the Citadel," James commented after putting his plate and fork in the sink. He leaned over the counter, his tan skin oddly pale beneath the artificial light cascading over them from above. "But you'll do good. Just…keep an eye on Loco for me, huh?"

"Of course I will, James. He's been through worse. I think he'll be just fine."

Kaidan glanced over his shoulder back at the medical bay. He wasn't entirely sure his words were just for James; maybe on some level, they were to placate him, too. Doctor Chakwas hadn't given him much to go off of after he left her for the day. And of course, because of that, his mind was awash with plenty of unsavory scenarios that led to more and more worrying.

It was a wonder he'd even tried to sleep at all, really.

"So you come to check up on him?" James asked after a few quiet moments, gesturing to Shepard. "Since you can't sleep?"

"No, actually," Kaidan said, chuckling quietly. Against his better judgment he decided to be honest. He hoped he wouldn't regret it later. "I was on my way up to Shepard's cabin. Thought I might sleep better in there."

"Whatever helps you out, man. Gotta do what you gotta do, you know?"

Kaidan was somewhat surprised that James didn't take a teasing jab at him. Maybe a heart of gold did lie somewhere beneath all of those muscles, he thought with a small smile.

"Anyway. Think I'll go try sleeping again. Gotta get up at 0700."

"Shit, man, who has to get up that early when the galaxy's just been saved? Sleep in. We deserve it."

"Yeah…maybe just one extra hour. See you in the morning, Vega."

James smirked. "But not _too _early."

As he moved to stand, Kaidan stuck his hand out, which James clasped tightly. The two shared a nod, after which Kaidan broke away and started for the elevator once more. It took just a few moments to get up to Shepard's cabin, but once there, he hesitated in front of the door. He'd never gone in uninvited. Standing on ceremony seemed ridiculous at a time like this, but Kaidan found old habits died hard. He pressed on despite his initial reluctance, and once inside, found himself once again stopping to take in the sights.

John's cabin was remarkably bare, save for a few pieces of clothing strewn about and his model displays decorating the area around in his desk. Kaidan knew Shepard liked to keep things simple and uncomplicated; it made sense that his cabin continued to reflect that, even after all these years.

He stepped in further, pausing momentarily to gaze at the fish tank full of different kinds of exotic marine life. Even though the virtual intelligence Shepard had bought ages ago took care of them now for him, Kaidan still recalled catching him feeding and interacting with them from time to time. His favorite was the Belan Jellyfish. Even when pressed for a reason, John could never give him one.

_Maybe I don't need a reason_, was his favorite reply.

Kaidan snorted.

Everything was just as they had left it the morning of their attack on the Illusive Man, right down to the disheveled sheets and comforter. When Kaidan lay himself down upon the top of the bed he took in a deep breath. It still smelled like Shepard, too—that faint mix of cedar wood and citrus. It was oddly comforting. Still, even now, Kaidan found himself wishing that John were here with him, lying down beside him, snoring away. Instead he was down recovering in the med bay, bruised and unconscious.

For the first time since lying down to bed hours ago, Kaidan yawned. It was a glorious sensation, and he took advantage of his newfound tiredness, climbing beneath the covers and curling up.

He had a lot on his plate tomorrow. But at least now he could get a good night's sleep.

Well, try to, anyway.

. . . . .

After breakfast that morning, Kaidan did a quick check-in with his fellow squad mates. All of them were prepped to leave by the end of the day at the latest, which meant it was time to say their goodbyes. Even though he knew he would see each and every one of them again in the future, he still took the time to speak with each one individually, knowing that each faced a different trial or hurdle in their future. For Garrus, Liara and James, rebuilding Palaven, Thessia and Earth would be an enormous task—and not an entirely easy one, for that matter. But for Tali and Wrex, this defeat brought the chance for a new beginning. With the Geth assisting the Quarians in the rebuilding of Rannoch, the future shone far more brightly for them. Likewise, for Wrex, the Krogan faced the chance to reclaim the glory of their people. Tuchanka had been ravaged no worse than some other planets, but with the genophage obliterated, their future held limitless potential.

In truth, part of the reason why Kaidan took so long in saying goodbye to each of them was so that Doctor Chakwas had time to gather her bearings for the day before having to deal with him. Kaidan had a lot of questions and was sure he would exhaust her with his need for answers.

He left Liara's office, crossing the mess hall and heading directly for the medical bay. Through the glass wall he saw the doctor tapping away on her data pad. Good, he thought, she was already right to work.

When he stepped through the door she turned around, wearing a knowing expression. What intrigued Kaidan more at that moment was how her look quickly transformed into something more curious, as if she'd come across something suspect. He had seen her make that face before, and it never boded well.

"Morning, Doctor."

"Good morning, Major Alenko. I was wondering when you'd be coming in. Did you sleep well last night?"

"Took me a while, but I got there. You?"

"Best sleep I've had in ages." Doctor Chakwas placed her data pad atop her desk. "Now, pleasantries aside, I assume you've come to check on the commander?"

"You'd be right. How's he doing? Any better than yesterday?"

"Well, yes. In certain ways." Doctor Chakwas approached Shepard's bedside, bringing a hand to the side of her face. She continued to wear the curious expression as she explained further. "Tests indicicate that the commander suffered from blunt force trauma to the left side of his head. The injury lacks a distinct shape, which leads me to believe it may have been a chunk of rock, or something of the sort. When I searched for debris in the wound, I was unable to find anything. It was surprising. Typically you find _something._"

"Is he going to be okay?" Kaidan asked, chewing his lip.

"He's…fallen into a coma, Kaidan," Doctor Chakwas said after a moment's pause. "Whatever he encountered up in the Citadel clearly shocked his system. He has yet to awaken and doesn't respond to any painful stimuli. Tests also indicate a lack of a normal sleep cycle, which is typical of comatose patients."

None of this was good news. In fact, it only served to frustrate him. Shepard had been through hell and back. How was he being beaten by an injury? Kaidan felt a flush beginning to rise up from his collarbone.

He folded his arms over his chest, clearing his throat. "Any _good_ news, Doctor?"

"Yes. The damage has already begun to repair itself at a fascinating rate. Commander Shepard was lucky to have been rebuilt by Cerberus; many of his systems were enhanced by their cybernetics. He should recover completely, though I don't have a time frame. Each body is different."

She shifted her stance, glancing out the glass window toward the kitchen. "There is something else, but…"

"What?"

"When I was doing his blood work, I discovered something rather strange." Doctor Chakwas picked up her data pad once again, booting up the screen. She brought up a diagnostic report, which she then presented to Kaidan. "Shepard's white blood cells featured a unique strand of DNA that threw me for a loop. I've never seen it before. I can't guarantee it for sure, as I don't have the medical reports from Shepard's reconstruction, but it would seem Cerberus rebuilt him quite literally from the bottom up. He carries hybrid DNA helixes mixed with synthetic components."

Cerberus. They really went all out with him, hadn't they? The thought made Kaidan frown.

"Do you think it will help him recover quicker?" he asked curiously.

"I can't say with one hundred percent certainty, but some signs would point to yes. Nonetheless, I'm keeping a careful eye on him. Head traumas can have dozens of outcomes, so we have to be ready for anything. I just wonder—" She stopped herself, as if rethinking her statement. "I just have to wonder how they were able to manipulate his biochemistry on such an intimate level. Moreover, how could his body continue to produce this hybrid DNA naturally? In all my years, I've never seen something so…intricate. It's truly one of a kind."

Kaidan didn't pretend to know much about the medical field. Beyond basic medi-gel application and creating a stint for broken bones, he wasn't particularly helpful. The idea that Cerberus scientists were able to manipulate John's body from the inside out in order to rebuild him didn't sit well with him. However, if it helped him recover faster, he supposed he couldn't complain.

Still, hybrid DNA helixes? That seemed extreme…

"How are _you_ doing, Kaidan?" Doctor Chakwas asked suddenly, giving him a once over. "Anything you need me to look at or patch up for you?"

He shook his head. "No, Doctor, I'm fine. I just came to check on Shepard. I have a meeting with the Council over vid com here shortly but I wanted to come and see how he was doing."

"I can give you a moment alone, if you like? I need to go speak with Traynor."

"Yeah…yeah, sure. That would be great, Doctor. Thanks."

"I'll be back soon, then. Take all the time you need."

Doctor Chakwas left the room with her data pad in hand. Part of Kaidan wished she hadn't. He wanted to take a look at her research data so he could read more about the hybrid DNA helix. How could Cerberus manage to make his body create synthetics? It just didn't seem right.

"What happened to you?" he asked, reaching out and brushing his fingers along Shepard's jaw line. He looked over his peaceful form, wondering what, if anything, he could do to help. He snorted. "Seems like one of us is always in here, doesn't it? Guess it gives us time to relax, since we never do."

He pulled back just long enough to grab Doctor Chakwas' chair from her desk so he had something to sit on. As he eased into it he gave a sigh, looking over John once more.

"You probably can't hear me right now…or maybe you can. I'm going to go speak with the Council and see about getting the Citadel fixed. I can't wait for you to wake up so you can see how happy everyone is. There's a completely different energy around the ship…it's infectious, you know? The others—Tali, Liara, everyone—they're all going back to their home worlds to focus on rebuilding and recovering from the war. I'm sure each of them has come to say their goodbyes to you. We wouldn't have been able to get where we were if it weren't for you and your leadership. The galaxy is going to be a totally different place…all thanks to you."

Kaidan cupped Shepard's hand and squeezed it gently. He got up and out of the chair in order to give him a gentle kiss on the forehead.

"Get better soon. Even though I'll be in and out helping take care of the Council and the Citadel, I'll come by to see you. Whenever you wake up, I'll be right there, by your side. Promise."

Despite having said his piece, Kaidan found it hard to turn around and leave. He knew John was in the right hands with Doctor Chakwas. Whether he woke up five minutes from now, in two days, or even a week, Kaidan would stand by his promise. No matter what it took.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Notes: Holy smokes wowza! You all continue to floor me with your avid interest in this story! It makes me feel all tingly inside. :D Each and every day I'm seeing more and more people add this to their favorites or their story alerts. I think it was five alerts and three favorites today alone. And all the reviews! Thank you to each and every one of you. As I'm sure you've noticed, I use this space to write my comments to my reviewers, because it helps me keep them in line with when they were written. **

**Don't kill me, but Shep isn't awake just yet. Don't worry, though, that moment is coming very soon. And when it does...whoo! Can't say anymore though. Hehe. In this chapter we get to see Kaidan in his leadership role, which I find fits him very well.**

**HellzCrusader: Thank you! M!Shenko is my new moniker for it, and I, too, get happy tingles from it. I dunno if the name will stick, but we'll see. ;) **

**NiaUnoriginal: Hope you enjoy this chapter as much as the previous!**

**PeasandCheese: I really feel like a lot can be said in one-sided conversations, especially with someone like Kaidan, who clearly has a lot of feelings. LOL. He needs to express them!**

**Threefold: That's my very hope. I haven't felt as energized about a story as this one since some Power Rangers fic I wrote last year, and that turned out to be quite fruitful. Crossing my fingers! :)**

**Stratataisen: I did use the default face-I found it so pretty to look at that I had a hard time changing it. I did, however, change my F!Shep's face. I'm glad you noticed the little choices I put in there. :D More shall be coming...hopefully the similarities continue!**

**TeddyRuxpin: Thank you muchly! Hope you enjoy this chapter, as well!**

**Now, onto chapter three. Please be sure to leave me a review with your thoughts :) Thank you!**

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><p>"You can patch me through, Traynor. Thanks."<p>

"Connecting the vid com now, Major Alenko. You should have visuals in a few moments."

Kaidan had his arms folded over his chest as he waited for the Council to appear. It took them a minute, but soon, all three councilors stood before him in vibrant blue holograms. They must have been in different locations, as each was separate from the other.

"Councilors, it's nice to see you're all in one piece," Kaidan said with a relieved smile.

"You as well, Kaidan," Councilor Tevos said. She, too, wore a smile. "And it is good to hear from you so soon. I trust all is well on the Normandy?"

"All is well, yes," he replied. "How is Thessia? Palaven? Sur'Kesh?"

"Sur'Kesh didn't feel the impact of the Reapers as strongly as the other planets did, so recovery should be quick," Councilor Valern said. His face remained mostly obscured by the hood of his robes. "We will be focusing primarily on our colonies in other nearby systems."

"Palaven is on the road to recovery, thank you for asking," Councilor Sparatus said. He straightened his back. "Primarch Victus has already returned to the home planet and is setting up for success."

"And Thessia?"

"Thessia will recover, in time," Councilor Tevos offered. She glanced down for a moment. "With the right leaders soon to be in place, we will return to our full strength."

"I think it best, then, for you three to remain focused on your people," Kaidan explained, "to ensure that they are on the right path. However, I wanted to bring up the issue of the Citadel."

"Rest assured, Kaidan, the Citadel remains a top focus for the Council," Valern said. "Once all is in order with our people, we will turn our full attention to the Citadel."

"What course of action does the Council recommend?" Kaidan asked.

"To be honest, we have not yet come to a unanimous conclusion," Tevos stated. "With the war having just been won, our focus has been…stretched thin. Many efforts have gone into the preservation of our territories and our people."

"If I may, councilors?" Kaidan straightened his back, placing his arms behind himself. "I propose using C-Sec to determine the severity of the damage done to the Citadel population, as well as take a preliminary survey of damage done to each individual ward. The Keepers themselves can begin repairs needed to the Citadel itself once we have a better idea of what we're dealing with. I offer my services to partner with C-Sec while you focus on your proper territories."

The three councilors glanced at one another, murmuring back and forth. Kaidan knew at some point that his channel had been closed off to sound—whatever they were discussing, they clearly preferred it remain within the security of the three of them. When a general consensus seemed to be achieved the sound returned, and Councilor Sparatus spoke.

"Very well. Partner with Commander Bailey and take care of the preliminary work. Once we have an idea of what's going on, we'll know where to go next. Are you sure you can support the full weight of the project alone, Kaidan?"

He nodded. "At the moment, sir, there is little else for me to do. I would like to get started so we can begin recovery immediately."

_And so I have something to keep me out of Doctor Chakwas' hair_, he thought.

"More power to you, Kaidan," Councilor Salern said. "Please present us with a status update this time tomorrow. We will check in with you daily while we attend to our territories."

"All right. I will contact Commander Bailey and we'll go from there. Best of luck to the three of you. Alenko out."

Both Councilor Sparatus and Councilor Salern's holograms disappeared. Kaidan expected Councilor Tevos' to follow suit right thereafter, however she remained, a preoccupied look taking over her features.

"Councilor?" Kaidan asked, confused.

"If I may, Kaidan," she began, "how is Shepard faring?"

"Oh. John's…well. He's in recovery." Kaidan wanted very much to share the full story of what he knew, but he stopped himself. As much as he trusted Tevos, he had to remember that any news he shared with her would be put out to the public at large. She was asking not only for her own knowledge, but for her people, as well. He wasn't ready to share the news of Shepard's coma just yet, if at all. "He'll be back on his feet shortly, I'm sure."

"I'm glad to hear it. Please make sure to pass along my thanks. Thessia may have been gravely damaged, but without him…who knows if we would even have our home planet to return to?"

Kaidan nodded. "I'll be sure to. Good bye, Councilor."

Councilor Tevos' hologram fizzled out, leaving him alone in the video communications room. It seemed oddly silent in here now, but it wouldn't be for long.

"Samantha?" he called, followed shortly by Traynor's voice.

"Yes, Major Alenko?"

"Could you please patch a line through to Commander Bailey on the Citadel?"

"Of course, sir."

It didn't take too long before Commander Bailey's weathered face appeared in the form of a hologram. He appeared surprised.

"Alenko? To what do I owe the pleasure, eh?"

"Commander Bailey, I've just spoken with the Council. I've got direct orders to assist in the recovery of the Citadel. Can you give me any kind of status report?"

Bailey snorted. "Can I give you an update. 'Course I can. But I don't know if you want to hear what I have to say."

_Wonderful_, Kaidan thought. He knitted his brow. "Continue."

"Most of the damage to the wards has been self-inflicted. Not too bad, but some things'll take some time to repair. My officers are telling me that when the Citadel closed, all hell broke loose. I didn't see much of it myself here in the Presidium, but Zakera seemed to be the worst of them all. Right now Huerta Hospital is packed with civilian casualties from petty criminals who used the emergency as the perfect time to raise hell."

Even though the news wasn't exactly wonderful, Kaidan was glad to hear that the damage was minimal. Small time criminals would of course use this time to try and make something of themselves, so it was up to C-Sec to wipe them out or get them into custody.

"I haven't seen the Citadel since yesterday. Have you managed to open it back up again?"

"We're holding off until we're told whether we're going back into Council space or not," Commander Bailey said. "Easier to travel through the relay closed, if needed."

"I'll have to communicate with the Council, but I have a strong feeling they'll want us to move back to the Serpent Nebula. Once I know more, I'll let you know. They've assigned me the task of straightening out the Citadel, so if you have any questions or need anything, you can reach me here on the Normandy."

"Copy that, Alenko. How's everything on your end? How's Shepard?"

"Shepard's recovering," Kaidan said. "He'll be in tip top shape here soon. Took some damage, but nothing he can't handle. Everything else is good."

"Good to hear. He owes me a drink." Commander Bailey smirked. "And I'm holding him to it!"

Kaidan laughed. "I'm sure he wouldn't miss it. Let's rendezvous early tomorrow morning at 0800. Bring me an update on each ward and any damage. I'll hopefully be able to give you an ETA for returning to the Serpent Nebula."

"Can do, Major. See you then."

Commander Bailey's hologram disappeared, leaving Kaidan alone once more. Without the Citadel being open there wasn't much more he could do, which left him with a fair amount of time until tomorrow.

All he could do until then is wait.

. . . . .

"Patching you through, Major."

"Alenko. Long time no talk, eh?"

Kaidan chuckled. Commander Bailey was trying to be funny, so he thought he'd humor him. "Of course, Commander. Can you give me your status update?"

Commander Bailey's hologram shifted from right to left. "Well, Major, things aren't as _terrible_ as my men made them out to be, but they could be better, honestly."

"Break it down for me?"

"Huerta Hospital's nearing capacity, like I said. The doctors are fearful of running out of supplies since the Citadel is closed off. I've tried easing their fear by telling them we'll open up soon but they keep breathing down my throats about it. The Presidium is in as good of shape as it was last time you were here—nothing too special to note, aside from one or two shop-keeps wanting C-Sec to guard them night and day. Aside from them, the wards are in varying levels of distress. The worst is Tayseri Ward."

"That's to be anticipated," Kaidan said, rolling his shoulders. Tayseri Ward was still recovering from the battle of the Citadel ages ago. He had to remind himself: Rome wasn't built in a day. That was the quote, right?

"Zakera's doing better than anticipated," Bailey explained. "The way my teams described it, it was a destroyed cesspool. When I checked in, myself, it wasn't any worse than you'd expect. Most issues stem from robberies, but what can you do? C-Sec's been stretched thin. The other wards, at least from what data I've been given, are reporting no major issues. Overall, I think the Reapers' decision to close off the Citadel saved us a lot of trouble."

That was refreshing to hear. If the Citadel was in good standing, it would permit the Council to focus on their territories and their recovery. It was also good to hear because it meant that Kaidan could focus on what mattered most to him: Shepard. As much as he needed this project to distract him, he didn't want it to take _over_. Ironic, he thought.

"You got any news about the Citadel being moved?" Bailey asked.

"Not yet, but I should have something by the end of the day. I have a rendezvous with the Council after our conversation. I'll be sure to get back to you. Any other important notes that I should pass along to them?"

"Yeah. Tell 'em to get their asses back here so people can figure out what's going on with their home planets. All of the sudden people _want_ to talk to the Council, _want_ to talk to their ambassadors. Not to mention, C-Sec has its hands full with all kinds of ridiculous disputes. Those I can handle, but the other stuff? Not so much."

"I'll be sure to pass it along. We'll talk soon, Commander. Good luck today."

"Thanks, Major. Bailey out."

As Commander Bailey's hologram disappeared, Kaidan closed his eyes. Huerta Hospital being at near capacity was concerning; he'd spoken with Doctor Chakwas last night, who had told him that Shepard needed to be moved to a medical facility where he could be monitored much more closely through his recovery. Earth wasn't a viable option due to the Reaper invasion, which left the Citadel. He reminded himself that near capacity didn't necessarily mean full to the brim, and surely they would make space for Commander Shepard, the man who'd saved the galaxy.

Kaidan sighed. No, that wasn't right. As important as Shepard was to him, his life couldn't technically be considered more valuable than anyone else's. In a doctor's eyes, John was just another person.

Still…

"Traynor, patch in the Council, please," Kaidan said.

"Not a problem, Major. Patching through now."

All three council members shimmered into appearance, their blue hued holograms lighting up the small vid comm room. Kaidan gave a polite bow of his head in greeting, and after all pleasantries were said and done, he went right to business.

"Commander Bailey has informed me that the Citadel is in much better shape than anticipated. Most of the wards are without significant damage, save for Tayseri Ward—"

"—Not a surprise, really—" Councilor Sparatus muttered under his breath.

"—and Zakera Ward, which is mostly robbery-induced due to minimal C-Sec presence. The Presidium remains in a similar condition to what it was before, still recovering from the Cerberus attack. Huerta Hospital is another cause for concern. It's nearing capacity. There were a number of injured individuals from around the wards that they brought there. However, once the Citadel is able to open up again, it shouldn't be as much of a problem." He took a long breath. "Other than that, there are no major issues, which bodes well for us."

"Surprising to hear," Councilor Valern said. His large eyes blinked a few times. "But refreshing, and relieving. This means there will be less need to focus so heavily on the Citadel's recovery."

"Do not think that our minds are completely elsewhere," Councilor Tevos added, giving Valern a look. "But as we mentioned earlier, with you at the reins for this recovery project, we'll be able to better focus on our territories at large."

"Yes, I understand. I'm here to help however I can, Councilors." Kaidan smiled. "There is one more thing to note: Commander Bailey asked whether the Citadel would be returned to Council space in the Serpent Nebula. I told him I wasn't entirely sure, but that it was highly likely. What is your order?"

"By all means, if the Charon Relay works, guide the Citadel safely back into Council space and notify us when the job is complete." Councilor Sparatus cleared his throat. "I'll contact Primarch Victus and get a group of Turian cruisers to accompany you. I had a few stay behind in the Sol System in case we needed them."

"When should we leave?"

"Immediately, if possible," Sparatus said. "I'll communicate the necessity to him here after our meeting. He'll reach out to you shortly."

"Anything else of note, Kaidan?" Tevos asked.

Even through the hologram, Kaidan could see how exhausted all three councilors were. They got a bad reputation from most for being too harsh or too critical, or at times even too narrow-minded, but many people didn't see them the same way he did—and the way Shepard did, too. They were mortal, flawed, imperfect, and yet here they were, completely worn out, working toward the safety of all their constituents. It wasn't perfect, but it was admirable, at the very least.

"Nothing at the moment," Kaidan said. "I'll inform you of more in our recap tomorrow. Shall we shoot for the same time?"

"Yes, let's," Valern said. "Once the Citadel is back in council space, Commander Bailey has the Council's permission to reopen it to the public."

Kaidan watched as the three of them went to turn off their connection. He was reminded of Bailey's last request: more hands on deck.

"One more thing, before you go, Councilors—"

"Yes?" they said in unison.

"C-Sec is in need of some additional hands on board while they canvas the wards and make sure everything is back to normal. Doesn't have to be a lot, just a few."

"I'll speak to Victus," Sparatus said.

"Thank you. Goodbye, Councilors."

. . . . .

As per the Council's orders, Kaidan initiated the return to Council space almost immediately upon terminating his connection to the councilors. In truth, he was eager to get Shepard to Huerta Hospital. It wasn't that he doubted Doctor Chakwas' ability—rather quite the opposite. It was her medical opinion that he be moved as soon as possible. Still, the transport felt like it took far too long. By the time they'd finally arrived in the Serpent Nebula, he was about ready to pass out for a nap.

Kaidan hadn't realized until that moment how high strung he'd felt. While he was quite sure his friends and fellow team leaders felt the same way he did, he couldn't help envying the grunts and their ability to take a step back, relax and let their superiors take the reins. At one point in his life, Kaidan would have been happy to let anyone tell him what to do, just so he didn't have to worry. But now he was in too deep to slide by so effortlessly. He knew more than a lot of people would ever know. There was no easy path to take this time.

Once Commander Bailey was able to safely guide the Citadel back into its original position, Kaidan gave him the okay to open it back up. Watching it was truly an experience. In a way, it reminded him of watching a plant grow from within its seed, slowly peeling away the outer layer to reveal the life bursting from within. All of the Citadel's colorful lights glowed against the bright blue sea that was the Serpent Nebula, and all felt strangely right again.

Kaidan couldn't help but smile.

"Presume normal functions, Commander," he said to Bailey.

"Can do, chief. See you down here soon."

While Kaidan did plan on visiting the C-Sec offices and Commander Bailey in particular, his first priority was ensuring that John got to Huerta without any trouble. As such, once they docked upon the Citadel, he accompanied Doctor Chakwas and several other crewmen as they transported Shepard from the medical bay and into Huerta Hospital. It was an easy transition, and the entire medical staff was on board with bringing him on despite the concern of nearing capacity.

He waited for a long while out in the lobby as Chakwas discussed Shepard's situation with the other doctors, during which time he found himself thinking about their friends. Not much time had passed—barely a few days, really—and yet, it felt so much longer. Perhaps it was due to his lack of good, quality sleep. Each day seemed so drawn out, so never-ending. He made a promise to himself that if tonight he had trouble sleeping once again, he would talk to Chakwas about it. The question was, though, could he keep that promise? Kaidan had always been the type to put the needs of others in front of himself, much like John.

_I'll do it. For John's sake,_ he told himself. And that was that.

Doctor Chakwas surfaced from the intensive care wing sometime later, a relieved look upon her face. Kaidan stood up to greet her. He hoped she had good news.

"Doctor?"

"He's not out of the coma yet, Major, so please don't give me those doe eyes." She pulled out her data pad, offering it to him. "I partnered with the attending, Doctor Mesata, and explained Shepard's current situation to her. Blissfully, she has far more experience with coma patients than I do, so she knows what to keep an eye out for." Chakwas moved in closer, speaking softly, "I also explained his…enhanced genetics, we'll say, so she knows to keep an eye out for any abnormalities."

"And what did she say to that?"

"Well, much like any doctor, she was curious. She clearly wanted to learn more, so I expect she'll run some tests of her own. However, what matters now is that he's in a stable facility with the best medical care available. Actually, I…I believe I might stay here and assist until Shepard is up and running. Just to give them another set of hands."

Kaidan couldn't see a problem with that. Doctor Chakwas had been through more than most doctors in the Alliance ever had the chance to see; her knowledge and skill set would be an invaluable addition. Also, seeing as he didn't intend to leave the Citadel for some time, there was no real need to concern himself with her being aboard the Normandy. She deserved some shore leave.

Honestly, they all did.

"You'll be a valuable asset, Doctor."

"Would you like to see him now, Kaidan? He's set up rather comfortably in his room."

"Sure…let's go."

Chakwas guided Kaidan through the lobby and through triage, guiding him past a set of doors that opened up into the ICU. Much like every time he explored a medical facility, Kaidan began to feel his skin tighten. Years of testing and follow up appointments for his L2 biotic implants had made him naturally wary of hospitals and clinics, even though they had done little to him. Still, he couldn't help but rub his hands over his forearms as Chakwas led him into Shepard's room.

It wasn't much, but then again, that was to be expected. There was enough room for John's bed, his medical equipment, a mounted television and a small set of chairs, with at least a little space in which to move around. The wall farthest from the doorway had a small rectangular window that overlooked part of the Presidium gardens, which looked calm and peaceful.

Standing beside Shepard's bed was an Asari with a data pad in her hand. Chakwas approached and said, "Doctor, I've brought Shepard's partner, Spectre Kaidan Alenko."

Doctor Mesata turned around, her intensely focused stare softening. "Ah, yes. Nice to meet you, sir. Karin told me you were waiting outside."

"Nice to meet you," Kaidan said with a nod of his head.

"You needn't worry, he's in excellent care here. Huerta has the best tools available to deal with patients with needs such as his."

"That's good to know. Thanks." Kaidan cleared his throat. "Not to seem rude, but, would you two mind…giving me a moment alone with him?"

"Oh, not at all," Mesata said. She turned and started for the door, with Chakwas following closely behind her. Before they exited she said, "Take all the time you need."

Once again alone. Kaidan moved toward the bed, looking over Shepard's resting body. It frustrated him that he'd been out for so long—this didn't seem right. Then again, nothing about comas really ever did, did they? There was no rhyme or reason to the healing pattern of the human brain. Even after all of their medical advances… this still remained a mystery to them.

He ran his fingers over Shepard's brow and down his cheek. His stubble had now grown into a thin beard. John always used to complain his facial hair grew so quickly. Kaidan didn't mind. Shepard looked good with it.

"You're in Huerta now," he said to him. "Got another doctor looking after you to make sure you recover as fast as possible. I don't know what's got you still in that coma, but you've gotta come out soon, otherwise you're gonna miss all the celebrations from the Reaper defeat. I'm sure people will want to throw hundreds of parties across the galaxy in your honor. No sense, though, if you can't attend, you know?"

That seemed stupid. It was doubtful that John could attend each and every party held in his honor, but then, he wasn't one to back down from a challenge.

"Did you hear me in there? I'm challenging you," Kaidan said, unable to keep from cracking a smile.

Did he just see Shepard's eyebrow twitch?

"You better wake up, otherwise I'm gonna win this one-sided bet. And, well, that's not how you play the game."

No response. Kaidan's smile slowly disappeared. He knitted his brow. He wanted to tell Shepard to hurry up and get better, but even joking in such a way didn't seem so fun anymore. In fact, he was beginning to feel worse about what he'd just said with each passing moment. What if it—

_No_, he told himself. _No thinking like that._

"I'll be back tonight," he promised, reaching to squeeze John's wrist. His skin was warm. He leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. As he breathed in, he found the scent to be clean, neutral. They must have washed him prior to putting him into the bed.

Kaidan pulled back, edging for the door.

He needed to talk to Commander Bailey.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Notes: I'm gonna have to kick this website for not tracking my story hits for a few days. Did that happen to anyone else? I was worried because I thought maybe my page had been blocked (it happened on the adult fanfiction website once, and it sucked!) but I guess it was just a fluke. Oh well. Here is chapter four! A real "eye opener", if I do say so, myself. ;) Take that as you will. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it!**

**Orpheus Thanatos Messiah: Hey stranger! Glad to see you around these parts. To be honest, default m!Shep is pretty hot. I like my men with short hair, typically not shaved, but something about Shepard...yeesh. Love it. I really think the real life counterpart for the movies should be played by Madd Chadd Smith. He's a dancer/actor and a little young but if he buffed up he'd be a great Shepard. Also, yay gay! **

**Lirre13: You go right ahead! I'm doing the same thing. In fact, when I keep reading all the updates about Bioware's responses to the community, I'm like "BUT SHEPARD LIVED AND THE MASS RELAYS ARE OK" and then I remember...it's my story canon XD**

**Matthews: Ask and ye shall receive, I have no plans to quit any time soon :D Hope you like this chapter too!**

**Please be sure to leave me a quick note with your thoughts, feelings, etc. I enjoy the feedback :)**

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><p>It was hard for Kaidan to believe that nearly three weeks had passed since the battle of the galaxy had been won. But what was even harder for him to believe was that Shepard had yet to wake up.<p>

Thankfully, he had plenty of responsibilities due unto him to help keep him busy so he couldn't think about Shepard every given moment. The Council had of course tasked him with watching over the repairs and recovery of the Citadel, and under his command, things were well underway. Most of the damage done to the shops in Zakera Ward had been taken care of, and until things calmed down, heightened security from C-Sec throughout each of the levels had deterred a good portion of the criminals. The Turian soldiers given to him by Councilor Sparatus were more than capable of patrolling and keeping the peace, for which both Kaidan and Commander Bailey were thankful.

Tayseri Ward was finally getting the attention it truly deserved, although the truth of the matter was that it likely wouldn't last. Funding was minimal, which was a newfound trouble that Kaidan wasn't used to. He realized he'd been spoiled by the Alliance being able to afford most anything due to their wide reach across the galaxy, but now that the galaxy was recovering as a whole, credits were spread far too thin. The Council had to utilize what they could to preserve the galactic economy, which depended more on the imports _to_ the Citadel than _from_ the Citadel.

It wasn't the first challenge he'd ever encountered, he repeatedly reminded himself. And it surely wouldn't be the last.

After a particularly grueling day of sweeps, clean-ups and patrolling through the Citadel, Kaidan returned to the Normandy, ready to take a nice hot shower, eat something and then head to bed. With the majority of the crew on shore leave, the ship was like a ghost town. Kaidan, Doctor Chakwas, EDI and Joker were the only ones who routinely returned to the ship, and for varying degrees of length. He remained the only officer aboard who stayed overnight.

That night it seemed as though Kaidan would be alone, and so after he took his shower and rummaged up some food in the mess hall, he idly walked through the quiet, empty ship, glad to have some time to himself. Being on the Citadel for extended periods of time reminded him how he had never been one to handle large crowds of people well. At the end of the day he needed to unwind from it all, which seemed nigh impossible no matter where you went on the Citadel. All of the noise seemed ambient, never-ending—penetrating your very mind as you wandered.

Here? All he had was the low hum of the engines, peaceful and enjoyable.

As he started for the crew quarters, he stopped and took note of Liara's office. Ever since she had packed up and left, the doors had remained open, and the once jam-packed room was now obscenely empty. For a moment he felt a pang of longing; although he was by no means alone, these last few weeks had brought a lot of change—change that involved many friends moving out of the Normandy. Kaidan usually spoke with Liara when he felt overwhelmed or confused. Even though she was young by Asari standards, she was wise beyond her years, and she often helped him clear his head.

He wondered how she was, and how the rest of his friends were. He hadn't spoken to any of them since they'd moved Shepard to Huerta, and even then it hadn't been more than a quick few lines in an email about his progress and status. He got responses back, but it wasn't the same as talking face to face. He'd had no real direct contact with anyone aside from Bailey, Chakwas and Joker since they'd docked on the Citadel.

_Wonder if she's around tonight,_ Kaidan thought on his way back to his room. As he climbed into his bed, he fiddled around with his omni-tool, setting up a vid comm link to Thessia. The bright orange glow from the electronic device lit up his bunk.

Once a solid connection was established he called, "Liara? Liara, are you there? It's Kaidan."

It took a minute, but soon Liara's face appeared on the small vid comm screen. She was a sight for sore eyes. Kaidan smiled, and she did, too.

"Kaidan? My goodness, it is you. What are you doing up so late? My clock tells me it's nearly 23:00 there."

"Oh, you know, the usual. Keeping busy all day and letting time get away from me. What about you? What time is it there?"

"The day's just begun here," Liara said. "I was about to head out when I heard your voice. I have a few minutes to spare before I must leave. How have you been?"

"I've been all right. Working long hours with Commander Bailey and C-Sec to return the Citadel to full working capacity. Thankfully it hasn't been hard—a lot of it is still just recovering from Cerberus' attack on the Presidium. What about you? How's Thessia?"

Liara shook her head. "It's coming along, but we're still mostly in the dark. The Reapers cut off our central power infrastructure upon their arrival, and most of the planet is _still_ without electricity. While it isn't the end of the world, it has proven difficult to rebuild at a fast pace. I've actually been put in charge of the main task force entrusted with restoring the power grid. We're running some diagnostics on the structure here in the capital. If what I put into place works here, we should be able to share the recovery process with the other areas, as well. Our goal is to fix the power grid by the end of the week."

Kaidan smiled again. "Well, look at you. One step at a time is all you can do. What about your…other, you know, concerns?"

"Oh, that's been nonstop as well, as you might imagine. But the resources have been immeasurably helpful. Many Asari were killed during the battle with the Reapers, but I've been able to keep a good flow of goods coming in and out. Not _too_ many, of course," she added with a wink. "Don't want any suspicions."

Then came the question that Kaidan knew to anticipate. Nonetheless, it made his heart flip.

"How's…Shepard?"

"Doctor Chakwas told me that he still…hasn't woken up yet, but she said the majority of damage done to his body externally and internally has healed real quick. We're just…waiting for the day when he finally wakes up."

"Bodies are intriguing things," Liara said, pursing her lips for a second, "the brain especially. Shepard is tough, as we all know. He wouldn't give up easily. As long as he has vital signs, I am sure he's fighting for consciousness."

Even though she offered a reassuring smile, Kaidan couldn't help but feel a little frustrated. Shepard had never lost a fight before. Why was this one taking so much longer than any other battle?

What was the saying? Mind over matter? Didn't that apply here?

"Have you spoken to Garrus, or any of the others?" Liara asked.

"Not recently. Have you?"

"Tali, actually. She told me the Geth have really sped up the recovery process on Rannoch. Almost all of the Quarians have permanently returned to the surface now. To think that the Quarian Fleets will finally be back on their home world is…awe-inspiring, really. Centuries of war finally put to peace."

"Yeah."

Kaidan sighed. Her words reminded him that he needed to talk to James soon so he could get an update on Earth's recovery, just so he knew what was going on. Aside from the knowledge that thousands of humans had left the Citadel in order to go back home and help with the recovery effort, he hadn't gotten an update in a while.

"Suppose it's probably time for me to get to bed, but I wanted to just call and see how you were. Glad to hear you're doing all right."

"You too, Kaidan. Please keep me up to date with you and Shepard. If you need to talk…I'm here." Liara smiled, somewhat knowingly.

Kaidan chose not to pursue the topic despite being grateful. "Thanks, Liara. Talk to you soon. Good luck today."

"Good luck to you, too, Kaidan. Good night."

. . . . .

"Major Alenko. Major Alenko? _Kaidan_, are you there?"

Kaidan groaned at the sound of someone's voice interrupting his sleep. He slowly opened his eyes, rubbed them, then looked around to find the source of the voice.

"Who is that?" he asked groggily.

"It's Doctor Chakwas, Kaidan. You must come to Huerta immediately. Shepard's awake!"

_Shepard's awake_. Those two magic words jump started his brain. Although his body responded poorly to his immediate desire to get up, he somehow managed to climb out of the bed without any incident.

"On my way," he grunted. As he stood up, he realized the voice was coming from his omni-tool. Of course it was. As much as he wanted to complain about being woken up so abruptly, the idea paled in comparison to the news.

Shepard was finally _awake._

Kaidan couldn't remember a time he'd dressed so quickly. He didn't even chance a quick look at himself in the mirror before heading right off the ship and onto the docks. By the time that his shuttle arrived at Huerta, he was positively brimming with energy. He hopped off and nearly bounded down the pathway, through the entrance and into the lobby. He followed the familiar path that led him to John's room, and without so much as a moment's pause, he reached for the handle and went to pull open the door…

Only to find it locked.

"What the mother-fucking hell—" Kaidan cursed, wholly unlike himself.

"Major Alenko, that language!"

Doctor Chakwas approached him from nearby, where several nurses were inputting data into their computers. A few of them were looking in his general direction, eyes judging him for his vulgar words. He felt his cheeks redden in embarrassment. Things returned to normal within a few moments, but he remained as red as a tomato.

Chakwas had an amused look on her face.

"That eager, I see?"

"He's awake?" Kaidan asked, wanting confirmation.

"Yes, yes, he's awake, Kaidan."

"Then why is the door locked? Why can't I see him?"

"Commander Shepard needed to take a little while to gain an understanding of where he is and how long he's been out. Most importantly, he needed to gather his bearings, come to grips with what's happened to him. We thought it best he do that in the privacy of his room, alone."

"So…are you saying I can't see him?"

Chakwas shook her head. "Of course you can see him, Kaidan. He's had plenty of time. However, I wanted to have the chance to speak with you in private before you spoke to him. Come over here with me for a moment."

She guided Kaidan over toward a large potted plant, carefully placing them just on the other side of it. Nurses and lab technicians continued to pass by them uninterrupted, but the potted plant helped to keep his focus on her and not them. Had she done that on purpose?

"Have you ever seen someone come out of a coma, Kaidan?" she asked.

"No," he admitted honestly. "Why, Doctor?"

She folded her arms over her chest, tilting her head slightly. "Well, it's a complicated process. Often times it takes a while for them to become fully functional—that is to say, it takes time before they can speak, eat, even move autonomously again. I fully expected Shepard to suffer from similar trouble. However, he seems to be…just fine. He's responding to stimuli with little issue, is able to move his head, neck and even torso, and could even speak with me earlier without so much as a single mistake. His progress is far further than what is generally experienced by someone who's been in a coma for several weeks."

Kaidan frowned, confused. "I don't understand. This is a _good_ thing, right? It sounds like he's doing wonderfully."

"He is. That is part of the problem."

"Now I'm confused."

Chakwas pursed her lips. "Though I have no concrete data to prove it, I believe there is a correlation between Shepard's enhanced genetics and his recovery. To be honest, it feels as if he's simply come out of a really long nap. He's disoriented, but quickly regaining understanding."

"What does Doctor Mesata think?"

"She's excited, naturally. She, too, feels Shepard's enhancements are what gave him this miraculous recovery. I believe she plans to ask him about it once he's had a chance to really settle in and come to. She likely will want to get Shepard's permission for extraction to see if she can duplicate the enhancement for other patients."

"You don't seem worried, though, Doctor. Why all this privacy if you're not?"

"I simply wanted you to be prepared in the best way possible. That was all. I know for many it can be a shocking experience when they expect their loved one to be fully performing when the truth of the matter typically is the opposite. This is a unique case, but it will still be difficult, I venture."

Doctor Chakwas lifted her omni-tool and quickly tapped several buttons, after which the red light upon Shepard's door turned green. She rubbed Kaidan's shoulder. "Go speak with him. He needs familiar faces. If you need anything, just reach out."

Kaidan nodded. He took a deep breath, pulled away from the potted plant, and moved toward Shepard's door. He ran his hands down the front of his black jacket, suddenly feeling warmer than usual. It was a strange but comforting thought to wonder if John had felt this same way when he'd come and seen him in Huerta all that time ago after the incident on Mars.

He slipped through the door, unprepared for how he would feel at the sight of John lying there in the bed, but awake. It hit him like a ton of bricks—and that was putting it lightly. Kaidan stopped just after he walked into the room, feeling his vision tunnel directly around that which was before him. His body felt as if it were being tugged forward, but he remained still, wanting to enjoy the moment forever.

John's head turned slowly but surely toward the entry, and he smiled at the sight before him. Kaidan couldn't help but do the same.

"You're awake."

"Kaidan!"

Kaidan approached the bed and leaned over it, wrapping his arms around Shepard in a tight hug. Once he realized it was probably _too_ tight he loosened his grip, matching it to the feeling of John's arms around him. His entire body tingled, and his heart _pounded_. This was what he had been waiting for. This had been well worth the wait. There was no denying it.

"So glad to see you're okay," Kaidan murmured against John's ear. "So glad."

It wasn't until they pulled apart and he moved in for a kiss that John replied, "You, too."

Kaidan took a seat in the chair at his bedside, eagerly taking in everything about him even despite the fact that really, the only thing different was that he was awake. He'd forgotten how much he missed those beautiful blue eyes, those dimples…_everything_.

"I can't believe you're finally awake."

Shepard furrowed his brow. "Can't believe I was out for so long. It's still hard to swallow."

"Take it easy," Kaidan said, smiling slightly. "Don't wanna overdo it. Chakwas said you've only been up a few hours."

It really was quite remarkable how he seemed to be without any injury whatsoever. Kaidan couldn't have been more thankful. On some level he should have known to expect it—this was Shepard, after all—but that conversation with Chakwas about potential outcomes of coma patients had only made him worry more. He knew she hadn't done it intentionally. Still, a man could go crazy with harmful thoughts about that.

"She won't tell me what's going on out there yet," John grumbled, his voice thick, but weak.

"Might be for the best. The galaxy is recovering—that's all you really need to know for the moment. You've earned your rest, so take it."

Kaidan reached up and took Shepard's hand in his own. His skin was strangely cool to the touch, a new sensation that surprised him. John squeezed his hand, though feebly, and gave him a small smirk.

"That an order, Spectre?"

Kaidan smirked as well. "That's an order."

"If you say so…but I'll figure things out sooner or later. Can you at least…tell me what you're doing?"

Shepard's breath sounded somewhat labored, so Kaidan figured it would be helpful to talk for some time so he could rest. No sense in overtaxing him.

"Working on making sure the Citadel's all in one piece. We had to move it back to Council space, too, which took us a while, even despite the mass relay. Once we got it back in the Serpent Nebula, we made sure to scour the wards and the presidium to make sure nothing major had happened. Aside from a few small things, the Citadel is in really good shape."

"What about Garrus? Liara?" Shepard grunted. "The others?"

"Everyone's doing great," Kaidan said. He squeezed John's hands. "All doing their own thing to help their people. They'll be thrilled to hear you're doing better. I don't know who'll be able to come visit, but I'm sure you'll have people in and out of here for a while."

"What about Joker? EDI?"

"I'll be sure to tell them the moment I get back to the ship. It's probably better not to overwhelm you, John. Not all at once."

_John. _It seemed weird to call him that so plainly now. His natural inclination was toward _Shepard_, the name which he had called his commanding officer for years. Even though they had been romantically involved for the last two months, he'd yet to call him by his given name with ease. In time, he thought.

"Thanks, Kaidan. It's a lot to take in."

"Of course. Anything I can get for you?"

"Well…there is one thing."

Shepard suddenly tugged Kaidan closer to the bed, and in a quick move, pressed his lips firmly against the other man's. Kaidan eased into it after the initial surprise wore off; rather, maybe it was better to say he _melted_ into it. Kissing him made him feel like they hadn't missed a beat, like Shepard had been awake all along. By the time they broke apart, Kaidan felt lightheaded. It made him grin.

"I was waiting for that when you came in," John said. "I saved the galaxy. I deserve a grand romantic gesture, don't I?"

"'Course you do. Are you saying my kiss wasn't enough?"

"Mmm. No. I just wanted more. That's all."

Oh, Shepard was feeling just fine, Kaidan thought with a laugh. And at that moment, that was all that mattered.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Notes: Shepard is awake! whoo! And sassy as ever. Well, sort of. I realize now that the Shepard I've begun to formulate in my head is far different from the one I played. My Dragon Age story turned out the same way. Not sure why...all I know is that this Shepard is a good fit for Kaidan, and that's all that matters. I still cannot believe the sheer interest in this story! Thousands upon thousands of hits...you all amaze me! I can't say thank you enough. It means the world to me to know so many people are interested in this. **

**HellzCrusader: Yeah, ff mobile gives me a lot of trouble. I always use the full site whenever I can ;)**

**Kahlan: LOL, thankfully for me my fiance is gay, so I don't have that trouble. But I can see why your bf would be like what! I'm glad other people love this pairing as much as I do...it's just so adorable. **

**SailorElfGirl: It's true, isn't it? Not a lot of long-term stories are written in Kaidan's POV. I dunno why, I just wanted this to be more of a Kaidan-centric story than ShepCentric. And you shall be seeing flashbacks, well, of sorts, as time goes along. I think you'll enjoy them!**

**Ragnarok45: I played femshep/Liara too actually! I really enjoyed the pairing, but I left Zoe Shepard (my femshep) behind after game 2 because of some poor choices I made which resulted in some unfortunate deaths :/ As for your comment on smaller choices, they're starting to surface here and there. I can't state when and where but I'm hoping that they'll stand out enough in the story that you'll catch them :) As Shepard and Kaidan go through the motions of visiting friends, etc. then more choices should become apparent. I'm glad someone else is a stickler for things like that, like me! And I'm flattered this is becoming your headcanon now...I'll have to keep up the good work. XD**

**Lyros: Aw, thank you! Chakwas is an unsung heroine in my mind-I have loved her since day one and figured she deserved good representation. There will be some conflict, although I can't specify what, exactly. Hehe. I like a healthy balance of fluff and angst. ;)**

**Thank you all to my loyal readers! I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as the next. Please be sure to leave me a review with your thoughts/comments/etc!**

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><p>Once the news had somehow spread that Shepard was in Huerta Hospital, it seemed as though a mass exodus of long lost "friends" and supporters alike were coming out of the woodwork in order to wish him congratulations on a job well done. Over the course of the next week, the sheer number of visitors who wanted to see Shepard and wish him well overwhelmed Huerta, which eventually had to ban all non-essential personnel and immediate family from visiting without express approval from the patients within.<p>

In Kaidan's eyes it seemed an extreme measure, but the longer he sat on the idea, the better he felt about it. After all, too much attention was never a good thing. News reporters from across the galaxy were trying to get in to obtain just a piece of Shepard's story, of his actions against the Reapers. Kaidan could tell that things were kept well under wraps as none of the programs he watched throughout the day could say much more beyond what the general public already knew: Shepard had defeated the Reapers and that he was recovering from the battle in Huerta Memorial in the Citadel.

And that was precisely how it needed to stay until Shepard was able to share his story. Even though he had come through the coma with seemingly little long-term issues, there were a few short-term ones that prevented him from functioning fully. John was under observation for at least two more days to ensure that he was capable of performing daily tasks with an adequate level of autonomy. Despite his obvious disapproval, he went along with it, which was no surprise to Kaidan. John took risks, but when it came to himself, he followed the rules pretty close.

Kaidan, as was to be expected, had visited John as much as time allowed while he recovered from his comatose state. Today was the first day since John had awoken that Kaidan was able to stay for a significant period of time. He'd been working nonstop to ensure the Citadel was back up to snuff, partnering with Commander Bailey on updating all security protocol and enforcing rules and regulations with the repair of certain parts of the Wards. Unsurprisingly, such a job took up the majority of his time. However, for the first time since the war had ended, he'd finally taken a day off. He felt he deserved one.

Kaidan and John currently sat in one of the many sun rooms scattered across the levels of Huerta Memorial. There were one or two other patients sharing the medium-sized space with them, but they mattered little. Kaidan's focus remained upon Shepard, who was staring rather intently out the glass wall and across the Presidium. He'd been awfully quiet today. Kaidan knew that typically meant something was brewing beneath the surface. He had left well enough alone for most of the day, but now he couldn't help but ask.

"Hey, what's on your mind? You've been disappearing into your head all day."

"Hm? Oh." Shepard turned to face him, a small smile taking over his face. "Just thinking about when I have to jail break out of here. I know I told Chakwas I'd wait the two days, but I'm getting stir crazy."

"Seems like more than that," Kaidan said, scratching his chin. He knew very well that John would have been up and moving around if he felt trapped or stir crazy. "This is more…got-something-keeping-me-from-being-able-to-think-fully."

"Aren't you observant? Can't hide anything from you, that's for sure."

Kaidan wondered why John went silent then, and why he shifted in his chair, paying far more attention than usual to the small wound upon his arm where they had kept his I.V. inserted. This definitely was something to do with himself. Why was Shepard so preoccupied?

"I've just been…thinking about what happened. Earlier."

"You mean here on the Citadel?"

"Yeah. The more I think about it, the less I seem to remember. I can't explain it. Feels almost like—"

"Like a dream?"

"Yeah. Like a dream." Shepard glanced down at his lap, then over at Kaidan. "I know I haven't told you what happened up there yet."

"Figured you would whenever you were ready. I know better than to try and push information out of you. At least now," he amended as an afterthought, smiling faintly. Kaidan stared at the other patients in the sun room. They were a safe distance away, and otherwise occupied in their own conversation. He doubted they would hear. Still, he hunched forward, resting his forearms atop his thighs. "So what happened?"

"After the Reaper blast, I managed to wake up and get to the transport beam. It knocked me out, but I woke up somewhere on the Citadel. I remember lots of bodies, and a few Keepers…and then I remember a conversation with the Illusive Man that didn't end well. I had to shoot him. Honestly don't remember if he lived or not. I was more worried about Anderson. He was there, too."

"Captain Anderson?" Kaidan asked curiously. "Really?"

Shepard furrowed his brow. Kaidan knew that face all too well.

"What happened next?"

"The Illusive Man…shot him, before I was able to stop him." John looked away, rubbing his lower lip with the tip of his index finger. "Anderson died. I knew there wasn't anything I could do, so I went to activate the Catalyst, and it took me into this…_room_. I don't know. The Catalyst was apparently alive and sentient. It told me about the Reapers and how they're necessary because synthetics and organics will inevitably go to war and destroy each other. It…gave me a couple options…"

"Options for what?"

"Options for ending the war." John returned his gaze to Kaidan, but only long enough to acknowledge his question. "They all seemed extreme…so extreme."

"This doesn't make any sense. So you're saying the Catalyst was alive? Did it have a form?"

"Yeah, it did," Shepard said gruffly. "I don't really fully understand what happened. The way it described itself, it sounded like—like _God_ or something. It said that the Reapers were its creation, designed to help bring order back to the chaos of the universe."

"And this—this _thing_ gave you…choices."

"Yeah. Told me I could destroy the Reapers, but that doing so would destroy all synthetic life and everything we've developed, like mass relays, virtual intelligence, so on. Then it told me I could control the Reapers, but that I would lose my body in the process."

Kaidan scratched his head. Neither of these options seemed particularly fitting, or productive. And Shepard had clearly chosen neither, as the relays still existed, and _he_ obviously existed. That meant there was another choice.

"What was the other option? The one you chose?"

"Synthesis," was all he replied with.

"…Meaning?"

"A complete melding of synthetic and organic life."

When John offered no more explanation that that, Kaidan's mind began to reel. What in the world did that even mean? How could there be a complete melding of organic and synthetic life? How could something like that happen, let alone on such a grand scale? The idea seemed so preposterous that he couldn't help laughing at it. He stopped when he saw that Shepard wore just as serious an expression as he had been earlier.

"You've got to be kidding, John. Wha—what?"

"According to the Catalyst, all life in the galaxy now carries a hybrid DNA strand that is both synthetic and organic. It said the only way for us to fully cooperate was if we were one and the same. It didn't believe the peace between the Geth and the Quarians would last without a common ground. Even when I explained EDI and how she's grown, it didn't fully agree. This was the only option it offered that removed the threat."

"But _did_ it?" Kaidan asked incredulously. "If Reapers are supposedly the 'order' that fixes the chaos in the galaxy, how will making the synthetics and organics meld together do anything to stop us from destroying each other?"

John's voice began to raise, its deep note carrying throughout the sun room. "The Catalyst didn't say. What was I supposed to do, Kaidan? Throw us back in the dark ages? Was I supposed to trust that gaining control of the Reapers would make them go away permanently? Huh?"

"I—I don't know."

Kaidan hated that he didn't have an answer, but damn it, how could he? None of those options seemed feasible for fixing the age old problem they had fought so hard to abolish. Shepard had done what he felt was best, but this affected the galaxy at large on a significant level. Did this mean the Geth now carried organic material within them? And what about species like the Asari? The Krogan? How would this synthetic hybrid DNA affect them over time? Would they live even longer lives? Would the Krogan become all powerful?

"Did it give you _any_ sort of answer as to what this was going to do to us?" he asked in concern. "Or how it would even be _capable_ of such massive genetic engineering?"

"No. But I guess if it was able to create the Reapers, it might as well we capable of anything."

Kaidan took a deep breath and sighed. If he stopped to think about it, the choice John had made was really the best of the worst. All three choices had their drawbacks, with the first two holding the most obvious: destruction of their mechanical evolution or his own death. The third option didn't seem overtly terrible, but the implications alone were tremendous.

He couldn't stop thinking about what this could mean for the galaxy as a whole. Would it bring them together…or tear them apart?

And then he remembered something.

"Wait a second. We already saw this."

John appeared confused. "What?"

"Doctor Chakwas and I. We…already saw this. In action." At his lover's continued look of confusion, he explained further, "She was running tests on you and discovered your hybrid DNA. We…we thought it was because of what Cerberus had done to you."

"So _did_ it do anything?"

"I have no idea. She thinks it may be what helped your body to recover its injuries so quickly. But maybe that was the other Cerberus synthetics in your system. Honestly, it's hard to tell. She would know better than me."

"Guess I should ask her, then. Does anybody else know about the results?"

"The other doctor who's been helping you, Doctor Mesata. Aside from her…" Kaidan shrugged. "I don't really know."

Silence fell between them. Kaidan's mind filled with thoughts of all kinds, though it seemed to obsess the most over the mass confusion that would arise from the discovery that all species now carried synthetic DNA. The idea of it remained so confusing, so…_strange_.

Maybe he was thinking in fear. He couldn't help himself. This was an unprecedented experience that the galaxy as a whole would be thrown into. There were bound to be reactions all over the board.

"When are you going to tell everyone?" he asked.

"In time," Shepard replied. "What the galaxy needs right now is peaceful time to repair itself. Countless planets were destroyed, and many more came close. People have hope now. They need that to rebuild."

Kaidan couldn't help but feel that waiting to tell everyone would blow up in their face. The unfortunate fact was that it likely would do the same even if the galaxy found out immediately.

_Catch-22 if there ever was one…_

"I trust your judgment," Kaidan said, with full conviction. He'd trusted Shepard with his life time and time again. He had to believe he'd made the right decision. If he couldn't, what hope was there for them?

He reached across the space between them and gently gripped hold of John's shoulder. They needed to think about something else—something more exciting and fun. "So what're you gonna do once you get out of here?"

"Visit Earth."

Kaidan smiled. "Don't tell me you're gonna go straight to Admiral Hackett. You of all people deserve some rest."

"No. I—" He stopped. He gave Kaidan a look, softening his expression. He said, "I just want to see a sunset. I haven't had the chance to really enjoy one since I joined the Alliance all those years ago. You know, a _real_ Earth sunset."

"What, you mean you didn't enjoy them while you were grounded after what happened with the Bahak system?"

John rolled his eyes. "Oh, yes. I really enjoyed them from the small one by one window in my holding cell. That was great."

"Thought I'd make light of the situation. What you said is a lot to swallow."

"I could give you something else to swallow, if you're so concerned."

Kaidan's eyes widened. He couldn't help but laugh.

"Good to know this synthetic hybridization hasn't ruined your overtly sexual sense of humor."

John simply smirked.

. . . . .

"Well, Commander, today's the day. Are you ready to finally leave?"

John slipped on his leather jacket and gave himself a quick once over in a mirror hanging just beside the door leading outside his room. "Couldn't be more ready in my life. No offense, Doctor, but I'm sick of this place."

Doctor Chakwas nodded. She wore a smile. "I can only imagine. As much as you likely won't want to hear it, I'll need you to come back in a week so that Doctor Mesata and I can perform a follow up with you. Kaidan, I'm looking to you to bring him in." She winked.

"Oh, no, no, don't go putting this on me." Kaidan chuckled. He wasn't about to be responsible for policing a man who was fiercely independent.

"I'll be here," Shepard said.

"In the meantime, Mesata and I look into your…_specialized_ enhancements," Chakwas said. "With the blood samples you provided for us, we may be able to come up with some substantive understanding as to how it affects you in your day to day functions. It may very well have been the reason you came out of the coma with such fantastic healing. Remember to please keep a log for me. What may not seem important to you could provide incredibly useful for us."

"I can do that. See you in a week, Doctor. Thanks for everything."

With their goodbyes behind them, Kaidan and Shepard left Huerta Memorial. To his surprise, Kaidan watched as Shepard took in everything that surrounded them. Not much had changed, but he supposed the curiosity came from having been in the hospital for so long; John was likely just happy to see something other than doctors and the same recycled scenery outside his window. He'd been trapped in there for nearly over a month.

"It's nice to be able to walk and not have to worry about someone breathing down my neck," John said as they slipped into the elevator leading them to the travel dock of the Presidium. "I get monitoring my progress, but I've never had that kind of watchful eye on me."

Kaidan instinctively wanted to ask, _What about your parents_? But he knew better. Shepard had grown up on Earth without ever having known his parents. It was a subject they hadn't touched much upon over the years, and as such he knew little about it. Although he had always wanted to discover more, he figured the subject would be brought up when the time was right. Or so he hoped.

So, unsure of what else to say, he settled upon saying, "Yeah, I don't miss it, either. Glad to be healed up."

The two walked in relative silence to the transport hub, where they took a shuttle to the Normandy's dock. Once there, both Kaidan and Shepard stepped out and started for the long pathway leading them back to the ship. It wasn't until they were just about to board that John finally said something.

"Everything feels like it normally does. I'm not sure why I was expecting any different."

"It's a bit mixed right now," Kaidan replied. "You'll see normalcy in most places, but there are still a few places around the Citadel where they're rebuilding or repairing. Everywhere else is where normal is still coming to terms with itself."

"Wonder what Earth looks like."

"Well, you'll see soon enough, right?"

John nodded, but said nothing more. He activated the entry to the Normandy, and with Kaidan by his side, stepped into the decontamination chamber that cleared them for re-entry to the ship. Once on board, they were greeted by EDI, who spoke with a surprising tone of excitement.

"Shepard, you've finally returned. It is good to see you aboard your ship once again. We have missed you."

He chuckled. "EDI, nice to hear you again. I haven't seen you since last week. Are you actually aboard the ship?"

"No, Shepard, but I will be returning with Joker soon. We enjoyed a date at the Apollo Cafe and are currently on our way back. We will see you shortly."

"Sounds good, EDI. I'll see you two when you get back."

"Affirmative, Commander."

Kaidan laughed. "How many people can say their ship is just as happy to see its commander as the commander is to see his ship?"

"Probably very few," Shepard replied, the corners of his mouth curling upward in a small smile. "But I'm glad to be one of them."

"Well, now that you're back on your ship, what's your first course of action?"

"No damn clue. I plan on getting something to eat and then going up to my cabin to check my email. Several weeks' worth is probably going to keep me busy for a long while. What about you?"

"About the same, actually. Well, until later this afternoon, when I have to go see Commander Bailey. When did we get so boring?"

"Defeating the biggest threat the galaxy has ever seen kind of does that to you. Everything else pales in comparison." Shepard clasped Kaidan's shoulder. "Come up to my cabin when you're done?"

"Count on it."

As the two men went their separate ways, Kaidan couldn't help but smile. Just having John back on the Normandy made everything real _right_ again. Joker and EDI would likely say the same thing when they saw him, too. He looked forward to dinner tonight.

Kaidan arrived in the crew quarters just a few moments later, heading for the small desk in the corner he'd claimed as his own since the majority of the crew remained on shore leave. As he logged on to his email, he was surprised to find at the very top a message from his mother marked _Your Father._ His heart skipped a beat. The last time he'd heard from his mother, she had told him his father went to active duty to fight in the war. Try though he might, Kaidan hadn't been able to find him. For all he knew, his father had been killed in action, or was gravely injured.

Taking a deep breath, he clicked open the email and began to read:

_Kaidan,_

_I wanted to write to you and let you know that your father is fine. Even though he went MIA earlier, he returned without any significant injuries. He and I had a long discussion about what he did and he agrees that it was brash and stupid. All I really care about is that he is okay. _

_We've gone back to Vancouver now and are no longer staying at your aunt's in Seattle. The orchard isn't in as bad of shape as we thought it would be, not like the rest of the city. This year's harvest is going to be rough, however, so cross your fingers for us. There will be a lot of replanting to do next spring. _

_We know that the Reapers have been defeated but I haven't heard a single thing from you since you told me you were helping to recover the Citadel. That was weeks ago. I waited to see if you would email me but since you haven't, I thought I would email you._

_Are you going to come home for a visit? Your father and I haven't seen you in a very long time. It would be nice to have you back with us for at least a couple of days. I'm sure your father would like to hear the story of how you helped take down the Reapers. _

_We miss you terribly._

_Email me back soon._

_Love you,_

_Mom_

Kaidan sighed. Leave it to his mother to unintentionally guilt him for not having written in some time. He knew it was his fault for having forgotten, and now it was on him to write back.

She made a good point: it had been ages since he'd seen his parents. Maybe Shepard's desire to visit Earth could coincide with Kaidan's need to visit his family. He had, after all, always wanted to show him his family's orchard, and share a drink with him there. Call him old-fashioned, but that seemed like the perfect way to spend time with a loved one. And to him, there was nothing more beautiful than a sunset overlooking the blossoming trees in the orchard.

He would need to speak to the Council about getting approved leave, but that wouldn't likely be a problem. He was more concerned with what John would say. He resolved to speak with him about it later.


End file.
